Queer Menopause - What I'd like to see in 2023
Photo by Aakash Dhage on Unsplash
Well, it’s been a year!
As I receive yet another newsletter about menopause that refers only to ‘women’, I wonder when people are going to start listening and working towards the rights of all people who experience menopause. (That’s also the TL;DR version of this post if you’re strapped for time.)
I actually started out wanting to write about what I’ve learned in 3+ years of queer menopause activism but it got really long and – not gonna lie – quite furious in parts. So let’s just look forwards for now.
Gratitude
2022 has been framed by my submitting evidence to UK parliament (December 2021; search for my name), and having a piece published in the Lancet: LGBTQIA+ menopause: room for improvement. (October 2022, on World Menopause Day).
I am super grateful to all the people who’ve supported me in this work. I’ve met some amazing folks in the wider online queer and menopause communities, particularly on Instagram.
Here are my wishes for 2023 (Warning: I’m going to repeat myself)
I’d like to see large/mainstream menopause-related and general health and governmental related organisations use inclusive language in their public facing materials. You could use inclusive language like ‘people’ or wider-ranging expressions like ‘women and marginalised genders who experience menopause’, or specific language like ‘bodies with ovarian systems’ or ‘testicular systems’. There are a lot of choices here! In this day and age it is not good enough to fudge it by saying something like ‘When we say ‘women’ we are actually also referring to non-binary and trans people who experience menopause.’ Please stop this. You are driving people away who could do with your support.
I’d also like to see small menopause organisations, and individuals, doing the same. Nobody is trying to erase women and this one’s getting really old. If you are a cis woman and someone has told you that you are being erased by inclusive language, it’s likely that this person is trying to induce a trauma response in you - for unworthy and harmful purposes.
It follows that I’d also like to see journalists and mainstream media acknowledge what I’ve said above. You have no idea of the disappointment and anger when yet another opportunity to educate and inform inclusively about menopause gets thrown away by misgendering and erasure. Worse, when you have interviewed a non-binary person and then altered their pronouns to she/her for publication! We love it when you take the time to get this right.
I hope to see less ableism in some peoples’ expectations and assumptions of what folks in menopause can or wish to do. (Especially if the menopausal person is disabled or neurodivergent.) It’s ironic really, given that ‘menopause talk’ can be of little else but exhaustion, insomnia, anxiety and the pressures of life. Not everyone is able or willing to offer random Zoom chats, for example, for a host of reasons.
I want to see perimenopause talked about more. So much more! So that 20 and 30 something people have an awareness of what may be ahead and how to prepare for it.
I’d like to see new ways of talking about menopause that use different and more inclusive language. It’s clear that the M word still conjures up cisness, femininity, and ageing, and this is not helping. I tried once, but given the responses, I didn’t phrase the query well enough. I will repeat the exercise.
An end to transphobia everywhere and, in this blog’s context, in the menopause world. Lots of people are educating themselves on this and it’s great to see. But too many still aren’t. Don’t let anyone tell you that things have become ‘too polarised now’ and ‘If only we could have a civilised discussion about this.’ That ship sailed long ago.
On top of acknowledging queer, trans and intersex experiences, all organisations need to be acknowledging folks whose menopause is not yet fully seen: Black people, people of colour across the board, people with surgical menopause, people with premature menopause, people with HIV. Also people with ME/CFS and Long Covid. And then there’s those without the financial or time resources to interact with the subject on social media. All these erasures play into and perpetuate racism and other structural harms.
Looking away from the difficult stuff, I’d like to see even more of the brilliant support and shared understanding that this community can give when it gets on the case.
I wish you a happy new year, wherever you are and whatever you’re doing - or not doing.